Fear and self-sabotage in the realm of presentations.

Definition: Fear

‘An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.’

Fear is here to protect us from physically harmful situations and give us a heads up when things aren’t safe or right. This fear is part of our survival programming. When we get in to what we perceive as emotional, moral, or spiritual danger the ego can be threatened and that can provoke a different kind of fear. Fear of judgement, failure and so on. These fears are based on our neurosis, often linked to past traumas. To a greater or lesser degree this is something that we all must deal with. Anxiety is something we all must live with.

“Anxiety is an inescapable part of our lives.”

Fritz Riemann

While many of us deal with anxiety provoking situations every day; that unexpectedly high energy bill, a car flat tire, delays getting to the airport, getting stopped and being asked for your ID (I can go on) some fears however, run deep. For many of us fear can be widespread and can hold us back in our careers; whether its flying, admin, decision making, spending, entering a relationship, dealing with conflict, socializing in professional environments and above all speaking to a crowd. Not dealing with the problems will make a significant difference to our attractability as an employee, our career evolution prospects and ultimately our buying power. It’s as simple as that. No one can afford to let fear rule the show, but many unfortunately do, and it takes a lot of self-awareness and determination to right the ship.

Presenting is a challenge for all of us, for some of us, it truly is a block.

‘You’re only as good as your last performance’ Actor Proverb (that I personally dislike).

The above actor proverb I heard many times as a stage actor is a classic example of negative thinking by attributing all of one's value to a recent failure. It gives far too much emphasis on the bad experience itself and negates the curve of development from failure as an experience for improvement over the long term. Failure is a part of life and our development without failure, without pain we cannot grow to form new strategies to overcome it.

But growth from failure is scary and sometimes unforgiving. It is scary for everyone.

I remember once an anecdote shared by a professional speaker who once gave a talk for a client in New York. I won’t reveal his name here, but he took the risk of trying to tell a joke that would only really work with a UK audience. It didn’t go down well and only went downhill from there as he struggled to win them over after the awkward moment. After the talk he found himself eating alone at a table where no one would join him. Yes, failure, even for silly things, can be brutal.

So presenting is scary as there are so many things that seem to lurk beyond our control. There is something profoundly triggering for many of us when we are asked to get up in front of an audience. It can be linked to any number of deep-rooted triggers that resurface if the experience goes wrong. Triggers around rejection, failure, being ignored, being criticized and again, being out of control in particular. If we get triggered and fear takes over, on the surface our visible fear provokes doubt in others exacerbating the negative feedback coming from the audience making it even harder for us to complete our task of presenting. In extreme cases people will freeze or leave the stage thus creating a fresh traumatic experience. While there is no risk of death from presenting, ego death is a real risk to one’s mental and emotional serenity.

There are constant headwinds battling our confidence.

The current context is not helping presenters and face to face contact in general. Hybrid work or full on working from home in my experience stagnates our confidence. Retreating from face-to-face contact can never be a good thing, especially when it comes the frequent need for most individuals to socialize and hold a floor in conversation in order to maintain a healthy comfort when presenting.

Then there are also the current challenges of global uncertainty that are making people even more risk averse. AI streamlining tasks and putting pressure on performance, rising inflation hitting bottom lines for every company and a general malaise about job security compound confidence. Low risk leads to stagnation and ever decreasing comfort zone circles. There is no such thing as standing still. If you don’t move forwards, you will inevitably slip backwards.

I really speak from experience with fear and public speaking. Until recently, I have been battling with fear for most of my career. As an actor I rarely secured a role from an audition because of nerves. In 2011 I had so much fear of flying that I barely had the strength to get on a plane to get to my first ever job as a presentations consultant in a foreign country working with a group of NGOs in southern Turkey. Fortunately, after nearly vomiting in an airport toilet, I did find the strength. As with fear of presenting, I have died on stage more times, because of fear, than I care to admit. Particularly in the beginning of my career.

To give you an example, in 2014 I gave a presentation in French to a group of serious entrepreneurs at a major Parisian start-up accelerator. I was meant to be a credible and convincing pitch master. After 5 minutes of uncomfortable delivery in French and reading a skeptical and hostile audience my hands were shaking and my voice was trembling. It was a crushing experience. That same year I gave a workshop in Belgium on my 4 tempos work for the first time to a group of execs at a major aviation engineering company, but my prep was ill conceived. I was so preoccupied with my ‘performance’ during the workshop, the only question at the end was about what app I was using for the countdown on my phone.

These are all bad experiences but necessary benchmarks for me to realize I not only needed to work on my presenting skills but also myself.

“Pain will leave you once it has finished teaching you.”

Bruce Lee

During my acting career, I occasionally suffered at the hands of directors who were too controlling, manipulative and sometimes abusive. The theatre equivalent of a toxic boss. To be more specific, I once worked with a theatre director whose personal insecurities were so bad that every time, she was present for a performance she would literary berate any of us at the end of a performance if we forgot one line. She would then go on to remind us that this particular theatre was very prestigious and that mistakes could not be tolerated. It was an unnecessary burden on all of us and an extremely difficult environment to creatively prosper. This kind pressure brought out resentment and rebellion from my side and I couldn’t wait for the miserable job to end. This resulted in ongoing performance anxiety which I have had to deal with in my business career.

I realize that I am not alone with this. Many people suffer from this. It is a consuming need for control and perfectionism manifesting from a feeling that one is not good enough. This kind of thinking leads to workaholism and eventually burnout as we try to control how others react around us. This is why it's very important to connect with why we choose to do what we do, but even when we love what we do if we put too much pressure on ourselves, we are putting ourselves into an untenable position. It is important to remind oneself that we are only responsible for our side of the street. How people react to this is out of our control. So, it requires the daily and challenging work of letting go.

Fear vs Trauma.

Let’s now separate fear from fear thinking. There is healthy fear that everyone has and is a part of our natural survival skill set and then there is trauma. Normal fear arises from our instincts when we exit our comfort zones or when we are facing danger or uncertainty. Whether it’s starting a new job, entering a new relationship of buying a house for example. That is why everyone gets nervous stepping out on stage because there are so many variables out of our control.

Trauma however goes much deeper and is sadly very common. Trauma is a product of experiences that may have happened to us in childhood and may have repeated themselves through the advancing years of adolescence and beyond. Childhood traumas and bad experiences can lead to destructive behavioral patterns in adulthood that can’t be eliminated/managed without external help and above all a willingness to seek that help. If trauma is there, it happened and it’s good to get awareness around it, but the past cannot be changed. What’s important is here and now. If there is a negative self-defeating thought process happening (which is trauma-based thinking) it will hold you back. We cannot comfortably take a stage if we are riddled with doubt about our competence, preoccupied with people pleasing, seeking to control every outcome of the audience’s reaction, or dealing with imposter syndrome. Know this, there is an abundance of help there, most of it doesn’t even need to cost you a cent. If you need to investigate that route start by looking at the manageability of your life, whether there are destructive patterns taking you away from making life manageable and try to figure out in which direction you might need to reach out if the fear you are experiencing is truly holding you back to getting what you desire. Take responsibility. Get to the bottom of what is holding you back and find the strategies to get ahead of the triggers. Show yourself unconditional love.

To take on fear, what we need are actions in the present fueled by a burning desire to progress and a healthy dose of courage. You are the master of your own destiny. Ask yourself this question: What matters to you the most today? What needs to change?

“A prudent question is one half of wisdom.”

Francis Bacon

Activity: One simple and effective exercise is to get in to the process of regularly checking in with oneself emotionally to build up a better relationship with oneself.  While this will not necessarily reduce anxiety it will allow you to begin communicating more effectively how you’re feeling to the people around you which is an incredible step to make.

Make a commitment to stop 3-5 different points throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself "How am I feeling right now?" Set reminders for yourself to do so during the day and even keep track with an app. There are apps that will assist you in doing this and will even send you reminders to take notes. This is a fun way to measure how you feel from day to day.

Recognize how the flow of your feelings impact you on a daily basis. How do they affect your attitude, your overall performance, and how they manifest in your body (e.g., tension, fatigue, hot flushes etc.)